Monterey, California, USA – Greetings, dear readers! Your intrepid intern reporter, Wyatt Boykin, here. As you’ll recall from my frontline dispatch in last month’s TIRF Today newsletter, the obstreperous young upstart and TIRF COO Ryan “Daring” Damerow had the unmitigated gall to challenge his President/employer/mentor/friend/hero Kathi “Boss” Bailey to a duo: Who can generate the most new TIRF donors? To the winner – glory, honor, bragging rights; to the loser – shame, tears, and the requirement to donate a chunk of a week’s pay to TIRF.
Since I share an office with Dr. Bailey, I can report with great accuracy Boss Bailey’s reaction to the Daring Damerow’s impudence: “Ryan thinks he’s soooooooo clever. Well, his superior technological prowess may give him a certain sort of a millennial’s advantage, but being twice his age also means that I’m at least twice as smart. Truth be told, I expect to trounce him soundly!”
As of this dispatch, dear readers, the competition is half done! We are now in the homestretch. To date, Daring Damerow has contacted 96 people and welcomed nine new donors. Meanwhile, Boss Bailey has contacted 110 people and welcomed nine new donors. Upon being informed of this unexpected tie, Boss Bailey scowled at the sky, fist clenched, muttering “I have not yet begun to fight.”
In response to Boss Bailey’s vow, Daring Damerow retorted, “I’m not a student of mathematics, but I do like numbers. It looks to me like my new donor conversion ratio is outpacing that of President Bailey’s”
As for you, dear readers, what can you do today to support TIRF and either Team Bailey or Team Damerow? Whether you are a new or continuing donor, online gifts can be accepted by clicking here. We can also accept checks drawn on U.S. banks and made out to TIRF via paper mail: TIRF, 177 Webster St., #220, Monterey, CA 93940, USA. If you are a new donor, please remember to note whether you are cheering for Team Bailey or Team Damerow.
Las Vegas is projecting Bailey as the winner with 2:1 odds. Who will emerge victorious? Stay tuned for my next dispatch as I reveal the results of the competition.
